Thanks for your comment, Elise. I’m with you – I don’t love it. That said, most people don’t know the origins of the tradition and so it doesn’t have the same oppressive power when you don’t know. Plus, as an officiant working for and with the couple, I do want to honour the preferences of the couple. I like the custom of the couple walking in together, too!

Hey Sharissa! Thanks for your quesiton! When I plan this part of the ceremony with my couples, I leave this part entirely up to them to decide. It sounds like for you, the officiant could name you and your parents directly and ask you if you give or support the union today. Then you would all say, “We do” in unison. And don’t worry about standing – you would likely already be standing along with everyone else as this is typically part of the processional and everyone is standing for that.

I much prefer the continental European custom I witnessed in my youth: Bride and groom meet at the church door and walk up to isle together. The “giving away of brides” reflects a horrific ancient custom of selling girls, often in puberty, still practiced today in may places. Why honor such a “tradition?”

Good idea! I prefer to use the first name of the person standing with the bride. And that’s a nice touch to include his name in the program!

Hi there! Have you asked the bride what her preference is? I always ask the bride what she wants to do. It sounds like the third option of just leaving out the question and doing it to music might work best here. But first, ask the bride a) if she still wants to be given away, and b) who she thinks would be best to answer if she does. There’s no shame in asking. In fact, it’s best to always leave those decisions to the people getting married. Remember: it’s not our job as officiants to have the answers. It’s our job to lay out all the options so the couple can make the best decision for themselves.